connexion: the selector

Franny Series, Part Six

ye rin mok; date unknown

Dear Franny,

Hey, I created a small ending tonight.

It only smarted just a little bit.

But the year is ending, and that’s a far bigger one. New starts and things.

+ And new stars and more things.

+ These are songs I loved a long, dark time ago.

+ I think you’d understand, dear.

I wish I knew you when I was stuck in the middle, across the highway from the Quaker oats factory and trapped in elevators that smelled of frosted flakes and crunchberries on alternate nights.

You probably could have smoothed me out a little.

I love you

&

happy new year’s something.

xoj

PS: I don’t believe in signs or fate or anything like that, but whenever I accidentally or incidentally injure myself I secretly take it as an outward sign of what’s going on inside.

Tonight I smashed the shit out of my finger and for the life of me I can’t make out that secret,

not one bit.

Download: Arab Strap - Cherubs / Interpol - The Specialist
Buy the Album: Arab Strap - Elephant Shoe / Interpol EP

Franny Series, Part Five

miranda lehman; date unknown

I’ve been hiding inside warm tea cups and in library card sleeves.

On Friday I found a small charm of a faun; I am wearing it around my neck now, tied with thin sea-green thread. I tied a knot in threes to make sure it stays in place.

I have been taking long baths just to feel my skin sweat out whatever’s inside here that’s making me sore and worn. Last night I fell asleep while soaking in sea salt water and only woke up because Amelia tapped my elbow with a concerned look on her face.

I might have been in there all night otherwise.

I dreamt of Spring with its tulip cups bending with rain water and sunbreaks like everything transcendent reaching down from the sky to reassure us that everything’s in place.

I can’t believe that there’s months more of this dark grey.

Download: Washington Phillips - Paul and Silas in Jail, What Are They Doing in Heaven Today?
Buy the Album: Washington Phillips - Key to the Kingdom

Franny Series, Part Four

My fingers and lips and tongue are stained red from the pomegranate I am eating for dinner, and now the keys of my keyboard are a bit sticky.

I like calming, meditative act of pulling the garnet colored jewels from the membrane one by one,

I like how easily its skin splits,

I like that when I get to the end there is a pool of juice for me to lick up out of the bowl,

after I’ve poured most of it into my glass of wine.

I got lilies today and my skin smells of gardenia;

I got new pomegranate tinted lip gloss and it has small flecks of gold in it,

so I can pretend it’s spring.

Today was exactly the kind of day I imagine spending with you.

It was sunny when I woke up and then by the time I left the house an hour and a half later the sky had opened up and water was coming down in sheets.

I’d want to take you out for a walk anyway, without an umbrella because that’s how we do here in the Emerald City.

But I’d secretly lay out thick socks in front of the heater and turn it on before we left so when we came home we could put our cold, wet feet into warm, soft sheaths and

sip tea with orange slices and small biscuits slathered thick with butter and jam,

listen to soft music and point our horses towards each other on the windowsill.

Download: Julie Doiron - He Will Forget, Again, Again, For Me
Buy the Album: Julie Doiron - Will You Still Love Me?

Franny Series, Part Three

ye rin mok; date unknown

The thing to remember is:

We miss whole days sometimes.

(Favorite Things)

+ Ashing into an empty ashtray

+ Baths so hot my skin steams when I walk into my main room from the bathroom

+ Small mushrooms, standing proud, pointing towards the grey sky

+ Coconut

+ Pencil hearts, like raindrops, on tracing paper

+ Starting new lectures

I imagine you walking around the city, nervousness in your mouth, listening to these songs and fighting your urge to turn around and go back home.

(In my imagination you are wearing huge dj headphones like I do, but I know that it would really be tiny, discreet earbuds.

And I see your bangs hanging defiantly in your large eyes, hiding secrets.)

They said it would snow today, but nothing happened.

Download: The Boats - Annabel / Kid Koala - She’s My Lover (Band Bang Remix) / The Velvet Underground - Pale Blue Eyes (Live)
Buy the Album: The Boats - We Made It For You / Kid Loco - Prelude to a Grand Love Story / The Velvet Underground - 1969 Live Vol. 2

Franny Series, Part Two

ye rin mok; date unknown

Dear Franny,

Today was made on see-saw legs.

I didn’t sleep nearly as well as I thought I would and everything about me hurt.

Some days my body just turns against me.

But:

+ I painted my fingernails a new shade of red, which is to say a summer shade of red, because I am trying to mitigate the long, dark, so very cold Seattle winter.

+ This morning I woke up with the made-from-scratch stuffed bunnycat that my favorite work friend made me for the holidays clenched tight in my hands, and I was pressing it to my heart, and Amelia had her little sleeping head on top oh my hands because she loves Mr. Bunnycat.

I think it might be because he wears his fuzzy purple heart on the outside of his chest and he has big, green buttons eyes and a sad little pink down-turned mouth.

Which is to say we resemble each other.

+ I woke up with a sparkling berry-colored kiss on the inside of my wrist: sometimes before I go to sleep I put on lip gloss and last night I used the back of my hand to blot.

In the middle of the night negotiation of Mr. Bunnycat to the middle of my chest I must have pressed him tight, wrist over hand, to the place above my heart.

I count up little brightnesses during the day, and I slip them into my little notebook, because I like to see them lined up just so.

It’s how I am going to make it through ’til Spring.

I checked, and there is time enough to make it to the Eastern Front and the Bay around my birthday.

Want to start talking weekend-dates?

Amelia says “murr”,
xoj

Download: My Bloody Valentine - I Can See It (But I Can’t Feel It) / Aretha Franklin - Only the Lonely / Blur - The Universal
Buy the Album: My Bloody Valentine - Isn’t Anything / Aretha Franklin - This is Jazz Vol. 34 / Blur - The Great Escape

Franny Series, Part One

ye rin mok; date unknown

Sometimes all you can do is just wait.

Wait and know that there is a net underneath the tight-rope.

And some outstretched hands, too.

Honest.

Download: Gogol Bordello - Through the Roof ‘n’ Underground
Buy the Album: Gogol Bordello - Multi Kontra Culti vs. Irony

Oneiric Morse Code Transmission, Part Five

come to me like this, seattle, wa; 10 december 2007

I am always left speechless when someone looks right inside and I’m not expecting it.

I feel as if my soft, honey-soaked heart can be scooped right out with a spoon.

Tonight all my walls feel paper-thin, and there’s just about nothing left to protect.

1:

Main Entry:
₄fallow
Function:
adjective
Date:
15th century

1 : left untilled or unsown after plowing 2 : dormant, inactive —used especially in the phrase to lie fallow<at this very moment there are probably important inventions lying fallow — Harper’s>

2:

See for yourself.
I can be simple, I can be horrible
I can be silent, I can stay out at night.

Oh, dear.

This one was quick and dirty tonight. You can expect to see this again, more fully realized.

Download: Versus - Fallow
Buy the Album: Versus - The Stars Are Insane

Oneiric Morse Code Transmission, Part Four

refound, seattle, wa; 06 december 2007

(I caught someone watching me watch.

We stood for a moment, both having been caught.

We looked at each other for a beat too long.)

Download: 高木正勝 (Takagi Masakatsu) - Caroc / Taylor Deupree & Christopher Willits - Morning Mochi
Buy the Album: Susumu Yokota - Sakura / Taylor Deupree & Christopher Willits

Oneiric Morse Code Transmission, Part Three

untitlted, kohei yoshiyuki; 1971

(transcribing:)

“…and I am shy to admit I’ve dreamt of you again, in the way I told about before.

from biting my lip.”

Download: David Syvlian - Late Night Shopping
Buy the Album: David Sylvian - Blemish

Oneiric Morse Code Transmission, Part Two

capturing fractals, seattle, wa; 04 december 2007

Today I went hunting for fractals in their natural environment.

I walked and walked and listened to this song on repeat,

and I tried hard to look into people’s eyes when I passed them.

It hurt sometimes.

Download: Arvo Pärt - Für Alina
Buy the Album: Arvo Pärt - Alina

Oneiric Morse Code Transmission, Part One

personal collection 2, seattle, wa; many, many times

(transcribing:)

“I woke up with one hand over my heart and the other between my thighs,

I’ve been wearing sparkly lip gloss and my favorite seashellpink thermal and drinking Ethiopian coffee since 635am.”

Download: Susumu Yokota - Hagoromo
Buy the Album: Susumu Yokota - Sakura