connexion: the selector

echo park, ca; 09 may 2007

Today at lunch I walked to the mailbox in a sour mood and discovered source of the mysterious air-fuzzers,

(so I sent you a weak message about Max Richter, Tilda Swinton and rattling mirrors)

and then I called my brother and he walked around the streets of Florence just so he could describe to me what he saw for the last time

while I silently cried on the stone bench

(and everyone could see).

I left work early because everything inside here is one or two coordinates off today,

I came home and listened to lectures on consciousness, bonobo monkeys, and synthetic happiness while I decided not to smoke cigarettes,

(but I learned the meaning of the word “thaumaturgical”)

and then I fell into bed to have bad dreams for exactly 43 minutes;

when I woke up I decided to get out of this box, even though all its windows are wide open,

I walked to the convenience store where I got:

- A bottle of water
- A bottle of lemonade
- A box of children’s cereal and
- More cigarettes

(I play a good game at eating well, and knowing food but sometimes I just want to have a dinner of dry crayon-colored corn out of that morning’s coffee mug, and really, you should know this about me too)

and when I walked past my apartment building, going in the opposite direction than I came,

I saw someone sleeping alone on that patch of grass, and under a tree, below the window of someone on the bottom floor,

(again)

and he had a bandana tied around his knee, and a sleeping 40oz next to him this time,

but he was in the same position, as if they were still facing each other,

foreheads touching,

knees touching,

he was half a pair of pretend, broken swans,

and it made me think about how in the convenience store I thought I saw you,

he was the right height, and his hair was correct, and even his imagined eyes were that far-away-blue,

but he had a small bird tattooed on his neck, and another on his wrist

so really,

that was just wishful thinking.

Download: Meic Stevens - Love Owed
Buy the Album: Meic Stevens - Ghost Town

long beach, ca; 05 may 2007

When I slipped my quarter in I hoped I would be able to spy all the way across the sea to the person I was hoping was standing on the little steps of a 25 cent view-finder looking out for me.

My fingernails are seashellpink and my eyes are deep ocean greenbluegreen, and Sean says that girls from California are romantic in a way unlike anyone else in the world, and I know the shape of my heart, and what these seashell tipped fingers can do, so I think he’s onto something here.

Download: Mason Jennings - California, California 2
Buy the Album: Mason Jennings - Mason Jennings

Bathroom Study, Part One

belltown, seattle, wa; 26 may 2007
(Look Sara, I’m bringing your message world-wide with my first ever graf.)

B-Houndz continues to wreck shit and keep me happy by turning me onto amazing hip hop that makes me shake shake shake muh hips, thank you ma dood!

This weekend has already been awesome with phone calls and amazing piccatas, mint juleps & pasties-covered titties, and friendly smooches from pretty girls.

And I still have a day off tomorrow!! Whut!

I can def get use to this level of awesomeosity, you guys.

SHUCKS!!

Download: Lil Wayne - This What I Call Her / Rhymefest - Stick, Build Me Up (ft O.D.B.) (Song of the weekend, OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.)
Buy the Album: Lil Wayne & DJ Drama - Dedication 2 / Rhymefest - Blue Collar

No Name Series, Part One

thousand oaks, ca; 01 may 2007
(for twenty years of my life i spoke to bessie smith, and she smiled back)

Not a single person e-mailed me today.

EDIT: at 2313pst (without being prompted by this post), someone sent me an e-mail. and it was lovely.

Download: Bessie Smith - Careless Love, Junior Kimbrough - Sad Days, Lonely Nights
Buy the Album: The Essential Bessie Smith, Junior Kimbrough - Sad Days, Lonely Nights

bluff park, long beach, ca; 05 may 2007

I walked to the convenience store before it got so late that I’d be nervous,

and I got some sugar for my morning coffee, and

some sleeping pills because I can almost never make my mind quiet enough on its own

and I was quiet, and couldn’t look the doe-eyed clerk that I love in the eyes, and when he said,

“Have a good night,”

I just turned and walked away,

(but I smiled so he could see)

and when I walked past my apartment building, going in the opposite direction than I came,

I saw two people sleeping on a small patch of grass, and under a tree, below the window of someone on the bottom floor

and they were facing each other,

foreheads touching

knees touching

they were pretend, broken swans,

and the space between their chests made the shape of a heart.

Download: Bob Dylan - Girl From North Country
Buy the Album: The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan

Songs for Standing Up Straight, Part Two

seattle, wa; 23 may 2007 (for detail, save the fuck out of the pic and look into my world)

Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

So, after having a fuckin’ EPIC booty shake sesh, I am shiny-sweaty and I had to lay my head down on my desk for a min,

and I thought you might like to see what my world looks like at 816pm, 23 may 2007.

Things:

+ Lemonade+Peach Oolong Tea+Pelligrino+A straw (I love using a straw, whenever possible)
+ One of the mugs L gave me for Hanukah (thank you mama!)
+ A wine glass emptied of cassis lambic
+ A knife, for cutting up peaches (part of dinner)
+ Frozen Berry Lime Sublime plus energy and protein boost Jamba Juice (the rest of dinner)
+ Hiding Monyette Paris lotion (part one of why you want to touch me)
+ Pure Monoi de Tahiti oil (part two of why you want to touch me)
+ Air canister because my fingers can’t touch a fuckin’ filthy keyboard
+ Blurry laundry sleeping at the end of my bed
+ Windows open wide, because if you’re interested enough to try to spy me through leaves in the middle of a fuckin’ EPIC booty shake, I figure you deserve to see some fuckin’ EPIC booty shakin’. (and besides, how will I know when that ladder shows up if the shades are drawn??)

My new life plan: Get Wit It or Get The FUCK OUT.

(LOVE TO TIZNIT AND B-HOUNDZ FOR SPECIAL COUNCIL AND SOUNDTRACKS. THANK YOU MA DOODS.)

ps: “she say she luv travel, maybe she’ll let us run a train” may just be my favorite lyric of the year. maybe of the decade so far. Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Download: Lil Wayne - Workin’ Em, Georgia…Bush / Huey - Pop Lock & Drop It / Masta Killa - School (Ft RZA)
Buy the Album: Lil Wayne & DJ Drama - Dedication 2 / Stomp the Yard Soundtrack / Masta Killa - No Said Date

Songs for Standing Up Straight, Part One

seattle, wa; 19 may 2007

I slipped back into myself today.

From within our over-exposed verdant jungle of flowers Amelia Earhart and I say, “Hello, hi.”

(More than even songs about dancing, shared meals and superstition around our necks, the lyrics of this song seem to be written for me, and so listen close…hello, hi, nice to meet you.)

Download: Optiganally Yours - Geppetto
Buy the Album: Optiganally Yours Presents Exclusive Talentmaker

Songs for Getting Close to the Flame, Part One

long beach, ca; 05 may 2007

I have a heart-shaped heart, and everyone can see.

Download: Cliff Martinez - Will She Come Back, We Don’t Have to Think Like That Anymore
Buy the Album: Solaris Soundtrack

Submerged Series, Part Eleven (It’s really, really not good.)

I remember this place.

Oh god.

Bed fort time, with this song on repeat, until I melt into the sheets, and then who knows what.

Who cares what.

Download: Sunny Day Real Estate - Sometimes
Buy the Album: Sunny Day Real Estate - Diary

Post Series, Part Two

(today i bought peonies because i couldn’t not buy them, and then i finally figured out the focus on my new digital camera. today was so good, you guys.)

You guys, I have been drawing again and it’s so much fun.

I like it best when I can send the things I make away. I think that’s when I’m most happy.

Yes.

Download: Elliott Smith - In The Lost & Found (Instrumental), I Figured You Out (w Mary Lou Lord)
Buy the Album: “In The Lost & Found (Instrumental)” is a demo from Figure 8 and “I Figured You Out (w Mary Lou Lord)” is from the XO sessions. Thank you, internet!

Submerged Series, Part Ten (You taught me this.)

(now)I can breathe underwater.

Download: Loscil - Rorschach
Buy the Album: Loscil - Plume

While I was gone all sorts of things fell apart and became wild,

even the lilies took off all their clothes and threw them to the ground.

And I know that often I spin and spin inside my head until all the details blur into bands of soft color, yellow red and blue, like your favorite top, spinning spinning spinning,

But when we talk it all slows down, and I am able to collect the details; I carry that with me and it steadies my hands so that now, in the middle of the night,

armed with x-acto knife, markers and a roll of tape

I can build these things for you, and wrap them up tight.

Because I like to think of you looking forward to the mail; and I like the idea of these careful packages, marked with your name, drawn tall and proud with my steadied hand, waiting for you at your front door.

Download: Nina Nastasia - Stormy Weather, All Your Life, A Love Song
Buy the Album: Nina Nastasia - Dogs

Something new that’s been floating my boat. Just disembodied voices.

Download: Grouper - “Second Skin / Zombie Wind”
Buy the Album: Grouper—Way Their Crept

The last thing I did in California.

Download: Andrew Bird - Armchairs
Buy the Album: Andrew Bird - Armchair Apocrypha

Songs for Asking for What You Want

All I really, really want is a boy who is obsessed with Dinosaur Jr, but understands why a slow dance makeout to “Under the Cherry Moon” would be the perfect Thursday afternoon.

(NB: It’s ok if they don’t understand when we meet. Just the opportunity for me to show someone would be extra-great, to be given that chance.

I share because I love, friends, I share because I Love.)

Download: Dinosaur Jr - The Wagon, Severed Lips, Blowing It Again / Prince - Under the Cherry Moon
Buy the Album: Dinosaur Jr - Green Mind, Dinosaur / Prince - Parade: Music From the Motion Picture “Under the Cherry Moon”

i’m shaped to get in your way.

Download: Blonde Redhead - My Impure Hair
Buy the Album: Blonde Redhead - 23

I don’t know anymore if it’s ok to say this out loud.

It just feels too stupid to even mention.

All I know is: I am exhausted by feeling badly about my heart,

because it is so good,

and it is so true,

and i just can’t understand why no one sees it right,

so it is very, very lonely.

Download: Antony & the Johnsons - Hope There’s Someone, Spiralling
Buy the Album: Antony & the Johnsons - I Am a Bird Now

Rarities, Vol. 5

Scarce work by the drone ensemble of Christoph Heemann and Andrew Chalk.

Download: Mirror - “Nights 1″
Buy the Album (good luck): Mirror—Nights

Can you see what I see?

Do you have the right eyes?

I don’t have tests and I don’t have points,

(I don’t believe in any of that: it’s hard enough to just sack up and say what you think and feel at any given moment; I will appreciate you for that, I will always have softness for the bravery that takes.)

but it sure’d be nice to know that if you had been there with me, your heart would have been so full that it strained against your sternum,

just like mine.

Download: Bodies of Water - These are the Eyes, Doves Circle the Sky / No Little Kindness - Lord, Your Love, It’s Gonna Be Right
www: Bodies of Water / No Little Kindness

Lana has changed schools three times because she keeps being targeted by bullies- once she had to go to hospital because a classmate set her hair on fire.
“I sought help from the teachers,” says Lana, “but they kept telling me that at that age boys are at such a difficult stage, it would pass in a couple of years.”

Download: Fugees, Fu-Gee-La
Buy: The Fugees

We are something that the whole world is doing.

Download: The Books - A True Story of a Story of True Love, Be Good to Them Always
Buy the Album: The Books - The Lemon of Pink, Lost & Safe

Rarities, Vol. 4

Still waiting for an industrious record label to reissue these fine works.

Download: :Zoviet*France: - “They’re Eating the Passengers”
Buy the Album (good luck): :Zoviet*France:—Misfits, Loony Tunes and Squalid Criminals

it might be difficult to fathom, but

i won’t scratch your back just so that you’ll scratch mine and

my heart has no ledger, and it’s not ticking off what’s been given

and has no sense of who owes what,

honest;

it just overflows

and overflows

and maybe it doesn’t have the best sense of scale.

but it’s good, and true, and (ah, gosh, how can i say) maybe just a bit overwhelming.

(i forget that not everyone is like a little kid, excited by everything, wanting to have show & tell right away, giving away fingerpaint triumphs and ready to share all their grape juice and graham cracker treats. i’m not sure what to do about it, but if you get fatigued i have a nap-mat you can use, and a 7″ of puff the magic dragon special for the occassion)

Download: Antony & the Johnsons - Mysteries of Love
Buy the Album: Antony & the Johnsons - I Fell in Love with a Dead Boy