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The Things That Make My Heart Beat Faster, vTwo, Part Five

He used to say I had the biggest eyes he had ever seen.

Out of nowhere, I dreamt about him last night for the first time in a long, long time.

I guess I had been courting him again, in secret, in code, without really being plain about it.

It just happens.

I don’t think I could have helped it. Some poetry just smells like him, tastes like him, says my name the way he used to.

It just does.

Download: The Remote Viewer - Let’s Not Do Much About It!
Buy the Album: The Remote Viewer - You’re Going to Love Our Defeatist Attitude

photo courtesy of perri

Download: Tindersticks - Cherry Blossoms
Buy the Album: Tindersticks - II

The Things that Make My Heart Beat Faster, vTwo, Part Four

jan von holleben

Oh, you whiskey-soaked Bukowski boys.

You get your tenterhooks into me, straight into the center of my heart

and once you’re there….

Well,

once you’re there.

The pain just never, ever goes away.

I love you.

Download: Elizabeth Anka Vajagic - Sleep with Dried Up Tears
Buy the Album: Elizabeth Anka Vajagic - Stand with the Stillness of this Day

“I can hardly describe the clothes. The figures were all robed and had crowns on their heads. Their robes were of crimson and silvery gray and deep purple and vivid green: and there were patterns, and pictures of flowers and strange beasts, in needlework all over them. Precious stones of astonishing size and brightness stared from their crowns and hung in chains around their necks and peeped out from all the places where anything was fastened.

…

The last figure of all was the most interesting — a woman even more richly dressed than the others, very tall (but every figure in that room was taller than the people of our world), with a look of such fierceness and pride that it toook your breath away. Yet she was beautiful too. Years later, when he was an old man, Digory said he had never in all his life known a woman so beautiful.

[[György Ligeti — “Ramifications” (for detuned string orchestra)]]

The thing in the middle of the room was not exactly a table. It was a square pillar of about four feet high and on it there rose a little golden arch from which there hung a little golden bell; and beside this there lay a little golden hammer to hit the bell with.

“I wonder … I wonder … I wonder …” said Digory.

…

As soon as the bell was struck it gave out a note, a sweet note such as you might have expected, and not very loud. But instead of dying away again, it went on; and as it went on it grew louder. Before a minute had passed it was twice as loud as it had been to begin with. It was soon so loud that if the children had tried to speak (but they weren’t thinking of speaking now — they were just standing with their mouths open) they would not have heard one another. Very soon it was so loud that they could not have heard one another even by shouting. And still it grew: all on one note, a continuous sweet sound, though the sweetness had something horrible about it, till all the air in that great room was throbbing with it and they could feel the stone floor trembling under their feet. Then at last it began to be mixed with another sound, a vague, disastrous noise which sounded first like the roar of a distant train, and then like the crash of a falling tree…

…

When she stood up … you could see at once, not only from her crown and robes, but from the flash of her eyes and the curve of her lips, that she was a great queen.

…

The Queen put her other hand under Digory’s chin and forced it up so she could see his face better. Digory tried to stare back but he soon had to let his eyes drop. There was something about hers that overpowered him. After she had studied him for well over a minute, she let go of his chin and said:

“You are no magician. The Mark of it is not on you. You must be only the servant of a magician. It is on another’s Magic that you have traveled here.”

…

[[György Ligeti — “Atmosphères”]]

They were looking from a high terrace and there was a great landscape spread out below them. Low down and near the horizon hung a great red sun, far bigger than our sun. Digory felt at once that it was also older than ours: a sun near the end of its life, weary of looking down upon that world. To the left of the sun, and higher up, was a single star, big and bright. Those were the only two things to be seen in the dark sky; they made a dismal group. And on the earth, in every direction, as far as the eye could reach, there spread a vast city in which there was no living thing to be seen. And all the temples, towers, palaces, pyramids and bridges cast long disastrous-looking shadows in the light of that withere sun. Once a great river had flowed through the city, but the water had long since vanished, and it was now only a wide ditch of gray dust.

“Look well on that which no eyes will ever see again,” said the Queen. “Such was Charn, that great city, the city of the King of Kings, the wonder of the world, perhaps of all worlds. Does your uncle rule any city as great as this, boy?”

—C.S. Lewis, from The Magician’s Nephew

Images:

• Apnea, photographed by LithiumPicnic
• Max Ernst, “The Robing Of The Bride”
• Max Ernst, “The Entire City”

Download: The Rolling Stones, Get Off of My Cloud
Buy the Album: December’s Children (And Everybody’s)

The Things that Make My Heart Beat Faster, vTwo, Part Three

yock

I am finding my boundaries have blurred,

like watercolor,

like the feathering of a vermillion border,

they are simply dissolving.

I am not alarmed by this, I’m not concerned at all.

The only thing I find disconcerting these days is the nervousness of my hands. I am not sure, but they may just be developing a mind of their own.

Download: Nearly God - I Be the Prophet
Buy the Album: Nearly God - Heaven

kimura michiko

My sweet, dear friend sent me this song during my darkest time this long, hard winter and it made my heart lift up on wobbly chick-a-dee wings and it lightened my bent shoulders in the gentlest way.

For this, along with all the other other other things, I love you beautiful Franny, I love you.

In an effort to ease another friend’s burden, and to help strengthen her little chick-a-dee wings, I am sending this song now to my tender-hearted Sekrit Twin:

Though bent, my shoulders are strong, my lovely one, let me carry part of your burden and let me try to smooth your furrowed brow. I will hold your hands still so that you needn’t wring them with worry, and I promise that things will be ok.

Tables & Chairs

if we can call them friends we can call them on red telephones
and they won’t pretend that they’re too busy or they’re not alone
if we can call them friends we can call
holler at ‘em down these hallowed halls
but we can’t let the human factor fail to be a factor at all

don’t
don’t you worry
about the atmosphere
or any sudden pressure change

’cause I know
that it’s starting
to get warm in here
and things are
starting to get strange

and did you
did you see how
all our friends were there
drinkin’ roses from the can

how
how I wish I
I had talked to them
and wished they
fit into my plan

and we were tired of being mild
oh so tired of being mild
we were so tired

I know we’re gonna meet someday in the crumbled financial institutions of this land
there will be tables and chairs
pony rides and dancing bears
there’ll even be a band
’cause listen after the fall there’ll be no more countries
no currencies at all
we’re gonna live on our wits
throw away survival kits
trade butterfly knives for adderal
and that’s not all
woah!
there will be snacks, there will
there will be snacks!

Download: Andrew Bird - Tables & Chairs
Buy the Album: Andrew Bird - The Mysterious Production of Eggs, Andrew Bird

Sometimes you can find good things by clicking banner ads. Last night I found Dynamophone Records, a newish indie electronic label with nice aesthetics and pretty music.

I know the music’s pretty because they kindly let me download a free four-track sampler EP. It’s all twee as fuck, but that’s a good thing. Beats clicking or snipping like scissors, bubbly synths, atomized guitar drifting in the air, and in the corner an androgynous figure in an anorak is cooing to hirself. I make no apologies for loving this kind of stuff; you need this as well as the scary noise. And if you listen to the words of this song, there are some disturbing things half-said.

(”It’s like I’m having the most beautiful dream, and the most terrible nightmare, all at once.” —Donna Hayward)

Listen: R/R Coseboom — “Eejit”
Download: Free “Cast No.001″ EP from Dynamophone
Buy: R/R Coseboom — “Beneath Trembling Lanterns”

kimura michiko

2am bliss is here, where are you??

Download: Hope Sandoval & The Warm Inventions - Untitled (Bonus Track) / Köhncke/Heimermann - Albatros
Buy the Album: Hope Sandoval & The Warm Inventions - Bavarian Fruit Bread / Pop Ambient 2006

kimura michiko

Happy Valentine’s Day, loves.

Exes and ohs, world!

Download: The Velvet Underground - I’ll Be Your Mirror / Jeff Buckley - The 12th of Never / Aretha Franklin - Over the Rainbow
Buy the Album: The Velvet Underground & Nico / Jeff Buckley - Live at Sin-E / Aretha Franklin - This is Jazz Volume 34

Listen: Death Cab For Cutie - “All Is Full Of Love”
Buy: Death Cab For Cutie - “Stability”

Listen: The Wind-Up Bird - “This”
Read: Stylus Magazine review of “Whips”
Buy: The Wind-Up Bird - “Whips”

Songs for Self-Obsession Served with Fever-Flavored Tea, Part Three

‘Separation’

Your absence has gone through me

Like thread through a needle.

Everything I do is stitched with its color.

– W.S. Merwin

Download: Windy & Carl - Akimatsuri, I Have Been Waiting to Hear Your Voice
Buy the Album: Windy & Carl - Akimatsuri, The Dream House

i have a story to share, it should make you laugh.

i decided after contacting my new therapist that today was the day.

i was going to get out of my apartment and walk to the grocery store. i wore the black trench coat i bought in paris for luck, and found the delicate rain, beautiful, and a nice contrast to my pleasant mood.

i arrived at the grocery store, began shopping, and barely noticed the bull-dyke standing in the corner watching me shop. and that, is not complete paranoia, she really was a bull-dyke. after selecting a few necessary items, incense, three cans of tuna, and two bags of coffee beans, i proceeded to the check out, where i initiated small talk with the check-out lady, since my sister used to work there, and i’m lonely.

about half way through fumbling for appropriate emotions to match my words, i admitted defeat and announced to the store how great of an idea it was: to walk to the grocery store, in the RAIN.

i gave the employee a big smile of unwavering discontent and a huge thumbs up, because i was really winning. everyone knew i was strange, and i left, walking home in the rain which was then coming down at a steady speed.

i was good, you know, until the rain weakened the paper bags, which i intelligently chose over plastic, and a small tear appeared.

it was a true urban drama.

rain, melancholy, poor social performance, and a tear in my grocery bags. i really found it classic, in a way. i don’t necessarily regret any of it. if nothing else, it’ll be something to talk to my new therapist about next week.

Download: Edith Piaf, Bravo! Pour le Clown
Buy the Album: Voice of the Sparrow

I’ve been emotionally wobbly for the past week, so yesterday morning lying on the couch I picked out some favorite music that I find comforting — beautiful without being sad, uplifting without being too pushy, and without too many words getting in the way. Then I tweaked some crossfades, and uploaded it to share with you all.

Robert Fripp & Brian Eno — “Wind On Water” and “Evening Star”
Yume Bitsu — “The Frigid, Frigid, Frigid Body Of Dr. T. J. Eckleberg”
The Orb — “Close Encounters”
Gus Gus vs T-World — “Purple”
Seefeel — “Minky Starshine” and “Plainsong (Sine Embossed Dub)”

To quote the slogan of a local radio station: “Familiar Soft Hits!” Because on a rainy Sunday when you’re feeling jittery and sad, that’s what you need.

Download: DJ sneJ — “Comfort Food”
Buy: Evening Star, Yume Bitsu, U.F.Orb, Gus Gus vs. T-World, Polyfusia

Songs for Self-Obsession Served with Fever-Flavored Tea, Part Three

Twenty to six am and I’ve been wrapped up in gauze all night.

I found an old box with photographs sent to me by various people who had fallen sweet on me, letters with ink stain fingerprints that my skin remembered, books I had stitched together (but never got to their intended owners).

It was heartening to remember the way I am when sent mad by another.

Sepia-toned with memory, I spent hours folded into origami in my big fake leather chair, new stereophones an IV sending music directly into my veins until I felt it like my own pulse, my heartbeat, head falling back, St Christopher medal in my mouth, everything slipping into soft focus.

Scented by jasmine tea and sweet cassis cream,

tart lemonade and ice chip fueled,

I am seducing Spring with a ginger-laced tongue and promising honey smeared on both our lips.

Download: The Brian Jonestown Massacre - The Devil May Care (Mom and Dad Don’t), Dawn, Donovan Said
Buy the Album: The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Give it Back!, Strung Out in Heaven, Their Majesties’ Second Request

Tyke Chandler Series, Part Eight

picture courtesy of tyke chandler

I see you,

I really see you.

Download: Aloof Proof - Weddings, Funerals and Births
Buy the Album: Aloof Proof - Inside the Quiet (good luck with that)

Even if there’s only one thing I want for you, I want for you.

Download: 1 Giant Leap ft Michael Stipe & Asha Boshle - The Way You Dream (Cinematic Orchestra Remix)
Buy the Album: 1 Giant Leap

Tyke Chandler Series, Part Seven

picture courtesy of tyke chandler

It seems as though I always have something to say right before I go to sleep.

(lately, i have been waking up in the morning palms together, fingers laced right in front of my lips, as if i have inadvertently spent the entire night in prayer)

Download: Mixtapes & Cellmates - Something Less Than Last Time (Tsukimono Remix)
Buy the Album: Mixtapes & Cellmates - Longing Remixed EP (Free Download)

In answer to the long-gorgeous-noisy things Jessica has been posting of late…

Margaret Leng Tan plays Somei Satoh’s “Incarnation II”, for solo piano (or maybe two overdubbed pianos? I’d have to check the liner notes) and digital delay. I like all kinds of piano pieces, but this is way, way around the bend from George Winston or the “Moonlight Sonata” or “Round Midnight”. Eighteen minutes of shivering tremolos forming slowly morphing tone clusters, rising from near-silence into crescendoes.

“Litania” is an earlier composition, very similar in form (though possibly with a different number of pianos); but it comes quite unhinged, building up past crescendo, into violence you could surpass only by smashing the piano with a sledgehammer.

Download: “Incarnation II”, “Litania”
Buy: Litania: Margaret Leng Tan Plays Somei Satoh [Amazon] [eMusic]

Tyke Chandler Series, Part Six

picture courtesy of tyke chandler

Tonight I am Tahitian Gardenia, French Muguet, Vanilla Orchid,

(and tongue-tied).

Download: Audrey Hepburn - Moon River
Buy the Album: Breakfast at Tiffany’s Original Soundtrack

Strange bedfellows, I know.

When I listened to the Pioulard I posted, and spoke with Jessica, I was reminded of the Ocean Blue, a great band from Pennsylvania from the sunny, good time before grunge was played on the radio. I used to hear stories about the band when I lived in PA, from people who knew them, that strange small-town mentality included the local indie band who got a record deal, I guess. A few years earlier, I remember that it was my birthday, and my mother took me out to dinner (where was my father? always a good question), and she bought me Cerulean (on cassette!), which probably paved the way for me to love Pioulard somehow. Such a lush sound they had. This track is a Smiths cover (obviously) and recorded live. It’s taken from an ep in my wife’s considerable record collection.

Then there is Death in June. So much emotionally tied up with them for me. They were the single most intimidating band I can think of, for me, to this day. It’s the imagery, I think. I was so sure they were Nazis, and, before the internet, there was no way of knowing. Their records were impossible to find (I knew of only one store who carried them). But, oh, so seductive, nevertheless. It was a relief to find, even though most of their music wasn’t to my taste, that their tactics were pure button-pushing, that Douglas P. was gay, and that his music is almost painfully earnest, rather theatrical, and, oddly enough, sweet. There is a purity in it, to me, because he is just doing what he does. But, What Ends when the Symbols Shatter? was certainly one of the most important records in my life. It’s hard to explain why, and this doesn’t feel like the venue anyway. It’s just lovely and good, to me. Despite the masks and the uniforms and the trumpets and tympani, he just seems like one of the “good guys.” I’ve been revisiting it lately and it still holds power and sway over me, this strange emotion, and who knows where it can come from.

Download: The Ocean Blue - “There Is a Light That Never Goes Out (live)”
Buy the Album: The Ocean Blue - Peace and Light ep

Download: Death in June - “The Giddy Edge of Light”
Buy the Album: Death in June - But, What Ends When the Symbols Shatter?

Tyke Chandler Series, Part Five

picture courtesy of tyke chandler

It’s enough already.

Download: Aix Em Klemm - 3×2 (Exit)
Buy the Album: Aix Em Klemm

Tyke Chandler Series, Part Four

picture courtesy of tyke chandler

Download: Tsukimono - How Hard Can My Fist Become
Buy the Album: It is with great sadness that I report that there are still no releases from my favorite new artist of recent memory (ever?), Tsukimono, on gemm. Here is his myspace, and here is his blog. Should there ever be justice in this world, all of his music will be in wide release. Until that time, this track comes from the The Back is a Collection of Busted Static release, and you should contact Johan to see what else, ANYTHING, you can get from him.

Tyke Chandler Series, Part Three

picture courtesy of tyke chandler

The sky has been milky white, and the cold air stings my lips, ice like bumble bee stings.

I stand around outside when I have a moment to myself and I daydream of the biggest open skies I have ever seen, and what it was like to discover a new shade of blue, and the loneliness of abandoned fences.

When I go back inside, the hot artificial air burns my face, and my lips feel like they did after my first ever kiss, vibrating,

over and over and over again.

Download: Boys Life - Twenty-Four of Twenty-Five, Radio Towers
Buy the Album: Boys Life - Departures and Landfalls

Songs of Escape, Part Three

picture courtesy of tyke chandler

Something’s changed inside me.

People have been telling me for days that my face is bright, glowing. Strangers smile and say, “Hello!”

I woke up with the feeling that things are moving in exactly the direction they should be.

Soon I will be in southern Europe, and if I can manage it, I will find a boat to take me to Africa. I will disappear for a long, long time.

I’ve started wearing a medal of St. Christopher. Things will be just fine.

Download: A Lily - The Shipwreck
Buy the Album: A Lily - Wake:Sleep

Songs of Escape, Part Two

picture courtesy of tyke chandler

Last night I took my favorite pen and wrote your name on the inside of my arm, right before I went to sleep; wet, dark letters.

When I woke up this morning, its imprint was across my chest, as if I had spent the night dreaming of holding you, pressed tight and close.

I didn’t notice until I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror as I was getting into the shower.

I let the hot water burn me as I shivered awake, I didn’t wash it off.

I want to see how long it will stay.

Download: Infidel?/Castro! - Temporarily Dissolving Into Plasma During a Moment to One’s Self
Buy the Album: Infidel?/Castro! - Bioentropic Damage Fractal

I’m not sure why I can tolerate Japanese hippies, but this is like the best music in the world to me.